If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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