I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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