We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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