They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize