Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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