he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
