Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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