fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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