Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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