At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
