dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
where are my eyebrows?
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