The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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