I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
