had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
