summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's not a walk of shame if you run
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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