I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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