What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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