I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
