I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
