I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
