Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
