yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
