Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
