Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
