So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
