I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she peed on how many people?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
