Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
