I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize