all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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