my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
