Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
