You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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