dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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