He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
