you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
