Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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