I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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