p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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