It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
