I puked a lego.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
