currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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