I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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