okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
