Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
