Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
