are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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