did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Randomize
