Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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