That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize