The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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