I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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