All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
