return my video game
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This is classic penis vs brain.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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