You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
