Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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