NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Come on in and take your pants off
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