Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
