When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
