My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
