I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
