his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
