do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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