I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
