i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
