it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
