Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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