We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Houston, we have a squirter
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
