tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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